One of my best friends got married this past weekend, and it was so sad that I couldn’t make it. Life really just happens you know. Four of us met in University about 12 years ago, and lived together for 2 years during our penultimate & final years of our LL.B degree.
We’d shop together, sometimes wear each other’s clothes and often shoes. 3 out of 4 of us could roughy squeeze into a size 6 (UK) pair of shoes – although just one person (me) was an actual 6. The other taller than me was a 7 and the other shorter than me was a 5.5. But as young broke students, we made it work. The last person? no luck… she was a UK size 9 and often had shoe issues. Even at my wedding, her shoes were a struggle to find and didn’t quite fit. (All my girls wore the same shoes which I loved! – Photo here).
We’re planning a girl’s trip soon and we hope it works because the last time we were together was at my wedding. We naturally thought it’ll happen that way for all the other three weddings. But when the size 9 friend got married 2 years ago, life had happened and only one of us could make it. Me the size 6, was already married, adjusting to my new UK lifestyle and couldn’t make it for the wedding. The size 7 was somewhere in the land of the free trying to bag a masters degree and see if there was really anything such as the American dream.
Anyway, it was the shortest of us all – the size 5.5 that got married this past weekend. For her bridal shower, I had to send in a pre-recorded whatsapp video. We did try to have a live WhatsApp video, but the connection was sort of poor and it didn’t happen.
Obviously, with so much talk and prep about the wedding, my mind naturally tilted towards weddings. Size 9 did a great job of sending us live updates and photos – but it couldn’t be the same. Even if we could live stream every second, since technology has refused to find a way to send food online – and I therefore couldn’t have small chops, then it couldn’t be the same.
So while my friends and sisters had been able to ask me questions like “are you okay?”, “are you nervous”?. I wasn’t there to ask my dear size 5.5. Even though I suspect she’d have laughed it off loudly.
So we’ve come to the crux of this post. I generally started thinking what runs through the mind of the couples during the wedding and as always, I’m sharing my thoughts with you:
1. What if one person doesn’t turn up?
This one was slightly too real for us. It’s not something I was proud of in the least. But I’ve already shared how I was late for my own wedding. Everyone was seated, the service had started. And I still wasn’t there.
So naturally Tee must have been slightly worried. I’m pretty sure it crossed his mind very quickly. Like, what if she doesn’t show up!? And all the very many other questions that’ll flow from it. After 6 years (at that time) of being together? How are we going to explain to all of these people? And all that money gone down the drain? What did I do wrong? How am I going to survive without her? Well thankfully I spared him all of these thoughts and eventually showed up!
Related: Wedding Tales: Our Untold & Hilarious behind-the-scene Moments!
But I’m really curious to know what goes through the mind of people who either don’t show up at the wedding or have been stood up. Can’t be the best situation to be in.
2. What if someone objects?
We’ve seen these in the movies! That point where the entire church goes quiet, because these words have been uttered “if you have any objection why these two people should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace!” I imagine the thoughts running through the minds of the bride and groom as they wonder whose side of the family the objection will come from. They do a quick run through of their crazy exes who said they couldn’t live without them and wonder if anyone will be that crazy to really show up and prove this point!
I don’t think I actually hear this call for objection being made anymore and I wonder if it still happens. I think it can be so traumatic that it’s been substituted for a notice period prior to the actual wedding day. To allow any objections to be brought forward. Thank goodness.
3. Is this Photographer capturing my “good side”?
What’s a wedding without great photos? We all agreed that it was probably more important than videos and essential for capturing lifetime wedding memories.
But what if after all of the money spent to get the best photographer – he still doesn’t get your good side. This thought is probably one that runs through the bride’s mind more. And I’ll be lying if I say I didn’t think of it. To be honest, I had the conversation with my photographer before the wedding. I let him know that my eyes could sometimes look funny in photos (at least to me) so he should be aware of that while shooting. Occasionally while getting dressed, to satisfy my curiosity – I asked to see the actual image on his camera, and to be sure that I was smiling properly! Thankfully all of the photos came out lovely.
Even much more than that is the question – what if all my photos get lost? I had this question on my mind just a little bit. Especially after my mum told me I had no first birthday photos because the photographer said they got lost! Thankfully I had three different people taking photos – so except the odds were really against us, it was very unlikely to happen.
Related: Celebrating Your Child's First Year Birthday - Large Party or Not?
4. What If I want to Pee? (Bride)
Well I don’t think the groom will have any thoughts about wanting to pee. But the bride. Oh the bride. I wonder if this has affected anyone’s choice of wedding gown? Maybe someone who goes to the loo really often, and wouldn’t be bothered to have 5 bridesmaids holding up her layers and layers of wedding gown, just to answer nature’s call!
I’ll admit I don’t recall having to pee during the wedding. At least not until I changed to my second dress which was a lot more manageable. But I know of people who definitely needed so much help to do this simple act on their wedding.
Don’t say women don’t go through a lot in life. They really do! Much worse is probably someone getting married during that time of the month. Oh no!! You’d have those constant thoughts of “what if an unwanted patch suddenly appears”?
4. What to do with the Wedding Dress?
This wedding dress. You spent forever trying to find the perfect one. It was the first thing you were concerned about for the wedding. You and your friends probably fought because they didn’t agree with your choice. You went through great lengths just to find the perfect dress. And you did.But now, it’s the cause of your worry? Now the wedding is over, what am you going to do with the dress!
I’m not sure how popular this still is but at the time I was getting married, a lot of brides would change half way to a second dress. So the actual wedding dress wasn’t even worn for the whole day! And if your wedding dress was as elaborate, then you have double the trouble of what to do with both dresses.
My dress is still tucked up somewhere in my parents house. But I had these thoughts through the wedding and really need to come to a decision quick. Here are some options:
Asides the dress, I had major thoughts of what to do with my shoe! It was kinda silver, open-toe and low(ish) heel. Not really the kind of shoes I’d wear everyday. But it was perfect for the wedding.
Approximately 940 days later, I’ve never worn it again. For special events, I’ll clearly choose shoes that I can easily wear again, and if you’re not yet married, bear that in mind too.
5. What gifts have people brought for me? (Not 3 rice cookers I hope!)
Let’s not pretend that this isn’t true. Okay it’s probably not that important, but curiousity does get the better of us. Especially when you can see the huge gifts nicely wrapped and sitting pretty right next to the guests.
So while you and your husband are swaying nicely and listening to each other’s heartbeat during your first dance, there’s a slight wonder as to what’s exactly in those packages – especially if you’ve seen cases where some gifts are so nicely wrapped but have somewhat disappointing contents.
I’ll admit I was slightly curious about this, more so because right after our gifts were presented to us, I spotted one which looked like a desktop computer! Didn’t dwell on this too much though, because we had already decided to give these off to charity.
For cases (as in a number of African weddings) where guests spray or gift the couple with physical cash, I’m pretty sure many couples think “just how much did we receive”. I heard of couples who spent the wedding night, counting this money. You can’t blame them. Anything to offset the huge wedding expense is often welcome!
6. Hope everyone’s eaten & happy?
I know! Most of the above thoughts have been centred personally on the couple. But they’re really not that selfish. This one thought is one that truly does cross the mind of many couples – wondering if the guests who came to celebrate with them have had a great day of fun, without any bad reports and eating and drinking to their heart’s content.
It doesn’t matter if they’re thinking this not out of genuine concern, but because we know how tales of a horrible wedding can spread like wild fire and potentially damage ones reputation – particularly when the food ran out!
7. Wait. Am I really getting married?
Yes this. That moment of realisation that you haven’t attended someone else’s wedding – you’ve actually had yours! Whether we like it or not, weddings and marriages are a big deal. And it comes to that moment where no one has objected, your guests are satisfied and begin to leave… in trickles, then in batches.
And then you have to leave too. To a whole new life with this one person, with the intention of forever. So many questions flow from this one. What sort of marriage will I have? Will my parents and siblings miss me or are they happy to see me go? Can I really not just go back home? Do I really want to do this? It’s not 24 hours yet – can we get an annulment?
Haha. I hope no one thinks of that final question.
Finally, this may not apply to everyone, but I’m so bad at dancing that I kept thinking and wondering if my body movements were aligned and I wasn’t making a fool of myself. Apparently I wasn’t – as the audience had it that I danced better than my husband who is a self-acclaimed dancer!
Related: 8 Interesting Kinds of Dancers You'll find at Weddings!
Well, that’s it. I really enjoyed writing this piece! And literally burst out laughing halfway at different points. I hope you enjoyed this and please don’t forget to share using the buttons below.
If you’re married what sort of thoughts were you thinking? And if you’re not what do you think you’ll be thinking? I’ll love to hear!
pS: Don’t ask. I have no idea why I have described my friends using their shoe sizes!
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AtinukeFebruary 17, 2017 at 09:27
This was such a fun-read! I’m not married yet but I’d definitely have these questions running through my mind. Especially if the photographer is taking the good side (the importance can’t be overemphasized). Lol, you describing with shoe sizes is amusing. I actually had it in mind to ask.tinukeawe.wordpress.com
Kachee || KacheeTee.comFebruary 21, 2017 at 07:22
Thanks Tinuke!That’s definitely why I added the footnote at the end. Lol!
DebsFebruary 17, 2017 at 14:30
I’m not even married and most of these questions are already on my mind…How much more the bride…hehehehehehe…this is indeed a fun read.www.debwritesblog.com
IrejuFebruary 17, 2017 at 16:53
I really enjoyed reading this, your relationship with your friends reminds of my friendship with my girls from uni. Call me a cheapskate but the one question I have answered is what I’ll do with my wedding dress as it will be returned, I’m renting !!! I’m not buying an expensive wedding dress I’ll never wear again after putting it on for less than 12 hours. I’ve always wondered why buy a dress or is it 3 now with the “my wedding must be on Bellanaija” for the cost of a plot of land, no way I’m doing that!!!. One thing I constantly wonder about is using the restroom as I’m always peeing! As for my visitor I have a feeling it will make an appearance as it has a habit of showing up on holidays and all the special days of my life, so that’s a bummer. I always say during our vows when they ask if I’ll take him to be my husband, I’ll ask the pastor for time out to speak to my husband in private, halt the wedding proceedings for some minutes just to see my famiilys reaction as I’ve been known to pull some weird stunts, they’ll probably think I’m calling of the marriage, my nosy aunt is going to have a heart attack…she’ll say i’ve disgraced the family, just for her reaction it will be worth it…
busola adebowaleFebruary 18, 2017 at 06:34
I cam totally relate to that gown part. I sold my gown 3 weeks after wedding. Gueas what? I sold it half d price i bought it. As a matter of fact, I was very calculative throughout the preparation, my sisters were angry that I didn’t want to spend money. Hey! It’s my wedding on theirs, Lol. I really got nice stuffs for unbelievable prices. I am the real bargain hunter
WanShyGirl BlogFebruary 19, 2017 at 00:03
There’s so much here rn. I’m not ready for marriage yet but I can relate to so many of the points above. Esspecially the thought of not looking good in the pictures or not having any pictures at all. I had an aunt whose photographer lost all her pictures and videos 😭. I can’t also dance to save my life I’m planning to practice dancing prior to my wedding which is not anytime soon 😂😁😀. This is a great post as usual and I’m glad I’ve figured out this Disqus thing. Happy Blogversary Ma.WanShyGirl ❤
@ilolaFebruary 19, 2017 at 17:39
Lol. I really enjoyed this post.2. They still call for this but they skip through it so fast that a bad belle won’t even have enough time to object, lol. I guess they don’t really expext anyone to object.4. I wore a jumpsuit wedding dress at my wedding. I needed help to pee cos I had button all the way down at the back of my jumpsuit.4(2) I used a wedding jumpsuit, designed in a detachable way. The net is removable, and I will be using the jumpsuit like a normal outfit. What to do with the net part? I’m still thinkng.5. We had a destination wedding. We didn’t have so many gifts. Most of our gifts were monetary.6. Really, couples should not worry about this. There’s nothing they can do about it, in the heat of the moment.
jennifer ijeomaFebruary 21, 2017 at 02:14
Lol….i enjoyed this post. The rice cookers ..lmao i got more than 3 i think. i still have several wedding gifts and what i do now is re wrap them and present as gifts to couples sometimes.I am still thinking of what to do to my wedding dress. I think i tried to sell a few times couple of years back (I obviously wanted money…lol). Now i have decided to keep it for my daughter. The question now is What if she does not like it?www.ijefinelivin.com
Kachee || KacheeTee.comFebruary 21, 2017 at 07:22
Hahahaha. You got more than 3! Lol.I’m sure she’d love it. It’ll be so vintage by the. Even if she needs to make slight tweaks to it. So I think you should keep it!
Seun OlagunjuFebruary 21, 2017 at 10:15
Wait. What of sex-related, ‘how will the wedding night go?’ questions. Those must be crossing the couple’s minds as well, right?www.seunolagunju.com.ng
Kachee || KacheeTee.comFebruary 22, 2017 at 14:56
Girl. I don’t know how I skipped that. Although apparently a lot of people are too tired to do anything on the wedding night. But surely they’d have those thoughts as well!
Tor AyuaFebruary 22, 2017 at 07:07
I really enjoyed reading this post..not married yet but i laughed alot.
Kachee || KacheeTee.comFebruary 22, 2017 at 14:55
I really did laugh writing it, but wasn’t too sure if the humour would come across. Glad it did!
Joy DibiaFebruary 22, 2017 at 14:05
Just discovered your blog from BN and i haven’t stopped reading your posts. You say, u ve just been at this for a year! Impressive.. truly impressive…i loved this posts and truly i dunno what i ll do about shoes when i m getting married. i might just want to be comfy n do the trainers honestly also i m a peeing girl, so i prolly wont be wearing anything that will be difficult to remove quickly.I’m stucked (in falz’s voice) on your blog.. XOXO
Kachee || KacheeTee.comFebruary 22, 2017 at 14:54
Hahaha. Thank you girl! A couple of people have done trainers recently. Or you can just do shoes that you can wear more often. Thank you Joy, and so good to have you here.
Toluwalade Toyin-KehindeFebruary 23, 2017 at 11:25
I know i’ll definitely be thinking if the photographer is getting my good side, thats very important biko!! I never really thought about having to pee but now that you mentioned it hmmm… I think most brides don’t get to pee because they’re not having as much to drink especially during the church program and at the reception i guess you can always dance away haha. But do people still give out rice cookers??? hahaha i hate that. That’s why i’m thinking of a gift registry.My mum kept her wedding dress till i was a teenager and i think she later sold it or gave it out, can’t quite remember. I wonder what i’ll do with mine knowing i have personal relationships with my bare clothes and find it hard to let go loltoyinwithfashion.com
NedouxFebruary 27, 2017 at 10:56
Lol… “What if I want to pee” cracked me up majorly. No drinking or eating for at least 12 hours before the church service! :-)I wonder about unflattering photos though. That’d be so disappointing.
Kachee || KacheeTee.comFebruary 28, 2017 at 14:46
12 hours! Hhahahaha. I know you kid.It will be. That’s why we need to scrutinise and have constant chats with the photographers before the event.
BababiMarch 4, 2017 at 20:04
On my wedding day i was definitely thinking1. Am i really getting married….should i really say “I do”? Because i had always had this fear of getting married and not having the freedom to do anything on my own without consulting a certain other person. My friends has to crack endless jokes to lighten my mood and get the pressure off my mind. Hehehe2. Will anyone gift me a washing mashing? Because i hate washing. Interestingly, we got two washing machines and i knew for sure that God loves me. Hahaha.I really didnt bother about what I’ll do with my wedding dress because i already had a perfect plan of shortening it immediately after. I’ve done that now and rock it anywhere i feel like.
Kachee || KacheeTee.comMarch 4, 2017 at 20:29
You’re a clown! Re should I really say I do!Lucky you and 2 washing machines! God definitely loves you. Good thing your dress worked and could you shortened. Smart of you to think ahead.!
Oluwatosin FalaiyeMarch 28, 2017 at 22:30
I think most of these questions seem like things the bride worries about … although that I am really doing this thought had me teary eyed for the most part of my entrance at my traditional wedding. Thanks to my glasses, I was able to hide this well. lol!
Kachee || KacheeTee.comAugust 12, 2017 at 15:01
Just reading this again, and Lol @ thanks to your glasses! Ain’t nothing wrong in a few manly tears though. Lol!