If you’ve read my last two Friday Notes, you’d know I’d gone on a bit about watching KingWomen. In fact, my mum was around for a week and I made her and Tee watch every single episode. They almost started to make fun of me. This past weekend, I decided to have some chill time! So I finally opted to have a proper soak on a tub (yay! I think I may just do that often).

For company, I thought to binge on the latest edition of KingWomen with Jumoke Adenowo. To be honest, I didn’t really know of her. I may have heard her name few times, but that was pretty much it.

As I do with most YouTube videos or anything at all, I quite enjoy reading  the reviews and comments. Many people seemed to think that this one was filled with gems! People even talked about bringing out their note pads and taking notes! That piqued my curiosity more. And the truth is, I could see why. I have to agree that there was so much that was very sensible in this episode. And in quite a number of ways, I could see myself in her.

Like how growing up I didn’t know young people could ‘get up to things’ . I thought everyone was a ‘goody too shoes’. Or how everyone thought she had to study medicine because she was good in the science subjects. But like me, she wasn’t just good in science subjects she was pretty good in everything else. While I ended up going with law (and thankfully I avoided being a quack doctor), she went with Architecture. She also talked about her respect for her mom and how she avoided doing shady stuff as she thought she’d run into her mum. My husband would tell you this was my response to everything I thought I ought not to do ‘Sorry, my mum will see me, or someone who knows my mum will see me‘. Finally her reaction to her proposal and the mental checklist she had for her future husband took me back in time!

The entire interview I think was solid, and here are some useful life nuggets :

• On Dating

Her views on dating totally mirrored mine. And perhaps it was at that point I decided to listen in a bit more. She acknowledged that she didn’t quite get the hang of having a particular ‘special friend’ early on in life. It was okay to have friends who simply were male and whom one could hang out with. But once they wanted anything extra special, it was a cut off. Except you were dating such person with a view to marriage.

And that’s what I’ve almost always thought as well. So I remember being about 14 in SS3 when a friend who I had met at several debating challenges asked me to be his girlfriend. I was asleep and he had called on my mate’s phone. She was excited, thinking ‘finally he’s asked‘. Unfortunately my response was very short of excitement and I bluntly replied ‘what’s the sense in that‘. Why do I need to tie my life to you at 14. Being slightly older at 16/17, I remember telling someone “I can see you in my life for 5 years, but I can’t see a future with you“. I was probably too brutal and would ask guys upfront ‘what are your intentions?‘. So if I was at least going to date someone, I wanted to be sure that there was a future. Casual dating confuses me honestly, and it’s hard for me to terms with it.

• On Raising Boys & Motherhood

This bit of the interview made me laugh! She has two boys and spoke about how she really wanted a second child as a girl. She even got a girl-ish christening dress. In retrospect, she admits that she doesn’t think she could have raised a girl and deal with all the drama of makeup, weaves and hair, fashion etc. For boys, their lives appear much simpler. I laughed because Tee and I have often talked about it. Girls are cute with their frilly dresses and headbands but boys seem so much easier to raise! They could literally wear the same outfit everywhere. Like she said, her boys simply had like three pairs of trousers and they were fine! That said, I still want both!.

I love how she advised that motherhood is such a beautiful divine gift and no woman who truly wants to, should be denied this gift as a result of infertility or getting married late. So yes, to adoption in a bid to be a mother.

• On Careers & Entrepreneurship

These days, there’s such a vibe in the air that suggests everyone must be an entrepreneur. And this is simply something I find so hard to understand. Surely even entrepreneurs end up hiring employees. This is a topic for another day, but I love how she mentioned that even as a 9-5 person, she gave her work her all! She never saw it as her bosses’ business, but rather saw it as her own work and would sometimes be in the office at 11pm on a Sunday. She volunteered for work on and constantly gave it her best – such that her bosses had to notice her input.

She only chose to start up her own thing after gaining considerable experience and realising that her input was not matching her output. Her remuneration constantly remained static.  This is definitely something to think about for people who simply seek to jump into the CEO title. A learning curve is so often necessary!

• On regarding men as your all-in-all

This. There’s so much to say about this. Marriage is awesome. Marriage can make or break you. But, marriage and having a man in these days is so pushed like that’s all women ought to aspire in life. Like if you are not married, you had no purpose. I get tired of these rhetoric, and like she very clearly pointed out marriage or having a man is not the purpose. It could very much be a vehicle to the purpose.

And even when you’re finally married, this man cannot be your everything. The problem many people make is to expect one person, this one man to be your husband, girlfriend, admirer, father, career adviser everything. The end result is we end appearing as super needy to this one person. So like I’ve said before we need different kind of friend/support groups.

• On Marriage

She emphasized the well-known fact that there can’t be two captains in a ship (or at least ought not to be) and in marriage, the man should be the captain and the head. But that doesn’t make women irrelevant. Because in many cases, the women as the neck, actually direct where the head turns. So women can very much have significant influence in their homes without fight for the ‘head’ position. So, be a tigress outside if you must -pursue all your goals and ambitions, and then when you get back home, be a kitten, a smart kitten.

And I see her point on submission. A deliberate act of not doing something (even when you can!) simply because of your husband’s wishes.  At different times, she spoke about marriage. About men wanting respect much more than love. About the need to contribute value to the marriage or relationship. To not just be an accessory. To have a worthy opinion. And as a woman, the need to look good physically. And taking her advice on switching up hair, I might just go for a red hair do next! Haha.

• On women having a Career & a Family

This question is one that many women frequently ask themselves. And I love how she explained that if you want to, then you can. This doesn’t mean that there wouldn’t be seasons where one maybe more important than the other. Or take priority over the other. But the underlying fact, is that you can.

If God gave you a womb to bring forth kids and nurture them, and yet gave you a brain with intelligence, and skills and talents, then it’s imperative that all of these can work together for the good of humanity. Her point about the ‘pink exam slips’ is hilarious but true. In writing examinations in school, girls weren’t given separate questions because they were girls.

• On Women Supporting Women & Mentorship

She talked about how a woman encouraged her to basically start her business. How genuine friendships with women were a need. Better to have three, than a million who do not have your back. And to avoid the crab mentality where women pull each other down!

She emphasised the need to have mentors. This is one area I’m working on – as I don’t particularly have direct relationships with mentors. But she noted that these relationships need not be physical or in person or getting close to someone to endorse you. But more of watching them what they say, how they act, books / speeches they’ve written etc. As Isaac Newton puts it “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants” And while young people might have knowledge, older people will have wisdom.

On dry seasons in life & faith

We often want to throw in the towel when we experience dry patches in life. But see how poignant these words which she quoted are:

“the only place where it’s always sunny is the desert”

Sometimes, we get saddled when some seasons in life are dry. But those are so expected, and as long as we keep striving, the sun will shine again.  She spoke about discovering purpose, optimising your talents and skills and basically adding value! About leaving a legacy of helping people find their purpose and ultimately impacting the world. Finally, and one we can’t the need to believe in a higher being – because if this earth is all to life, it’s totally useless!

People,  I could pick up so much more nuggets from this but let’s just end it here.  I’m loving the entire series in general and I’m glad women are sharing so much truths behind their lives, and inspiring those who go behind them.

Have you seen this episode? Share your thoughts. What did you take away. What women would you like to see share their stories?

Love,

Kachee… Xx

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