I’m sure you know I am in an inter-ethnic marriage…You didn’t? Now you do! That simply means that Tee and I do not come from the same ethnic group. I am Igbo, from the East of Nigeria, he is Yoruba, from the West. Technically, that is similar to someone from Cambridge in England gets married to someone from Bristol. Or someone in the US, from New York, gets married to someone from California.ย No big deal right?

Yes. True. Except in Nigeria it is kind of a big deal… for several reasons.

Our Bri’ish and Yankee couple speak the same language, and primarily have the same culture.

Nigeria is culturally huge!ย We have over 350 ethnic groups, with quite different languages and culture. These are often grouped into the East, West and North…ย and sometimes the South-South.

More so, we’ve had a shaky history – we had a bloody civil war between 1967 – 1970. I think that’s when things got really bad. The ethnic and religious rage and hate manifested.

I’ve digressed. Apologies.

The reasons for this post? Let’s picture the below situations which are so ridiculously common!

Akin and Nneka are in love and engaged. Their families are not in support. The engagement is called off. Akin has to marry someone who naturally kneels down to greet her elders.

Ugo and Yinka actually brave the pressures and do get married – Few months in, and it gets really rocky. Why do they argue over seemingly very little things? #CultureShock

Aisha and Etim would rather be ‘baeless’ than consider dating or marrying from another ethnic group.

Let’s talk about this, people. Can we stop ethnic divisions and stereotypes from ruining our chances at a lifetime of love and happiness?

PS: I am in no way thinking that everyone should go the inter-ethnic marriage route. Nah..ย  But it should not be the reason for a loveless life if all the other boxes check out. I’m not sure how I’d have felt if someone said I was unable to marry Tee, because of what side of the Niger River he hails from (after all the garri I had drunk with him for years. Lol!)

I’ll be sharing my experience and thoughts as it comes to me. More importantly, I hope to share the experience of others. The Good. The Bad. The Ugly.

Love should have no boundaries. Ehm… at least not one based on ethnicity.

What do you think? Please share your experiences on InterEthnic Marriage or Dating. Or contact me privately if you prefer.

Love,

Kachee. xx


12 COMMENTS

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12 Comments

  1. Kiky

    February 10, 2016 at 12:52

    I want oyibo or yoruba husband. Set it up kachi

    Reply
    • Kachee || KacheeTee.com

      February 10, 2016 at 14:07

      Lol Kiky! I’ll look into this.

      Reply
      • 'Demola

        February 11, 2016 at 05:19

        I want Igbo or Latin American wife. Set it up, Kachi.

        Reply
        • Kachee || KacheeTee.com

          February 12, 2016 at 12:59

          Lol! Now you’re mocking me eh…. Thanks for stopping by Demola.

          Reply
  2. Folake Adeniyi

    February 14, 2016 at 00:00

    Well done Kachi. I wish the interethnic ‘beef’ would stop at our parents’ generation but unfortunately the stereotype has crept into our generation. You write beautifully. All the best darling. ๐Ÿ˜™๐Ÿ˜™๐Ÿ˜™๐Ÿ˜™

    Reply
  3. Bababi

    February 14, 2016 at 07:19

    I’m yoruba, he’s Edo. My parents are cool with it. As a matter of fact, my parents are cool with anything as long as they’re certain it’s love that joins us together. On the other hand, all other over sabi elders always have a rumpled face (like they were washed in a washing machine) when they hear he’s Edo. Until they hear him speak yoruba more fluently than me, then they smile like they just won a lottery. Phew!

    Reply
  4. KIKELOMO OMOTALADE

    February 23, 2016 at 09:35

    I think you can marry anyone as long as you both are mature and wise enough to handle the relationship between your family and partner. Even intraethnic marriages too suffer when the relationship between one partner and inlaws isn’t properly managed. Alot of people don’t understand the word leave and cleave which is where the problem truly lies……..i think

    Reply
    • Kachee || KacheeTee.com

      February 24, 2016 at 11:11

      Leave and Cleave Indeed! But many people do not get that, and sometimes our approach to life is formed by our cultural background, which often lead to opinion differences. Xx

      Reply
  5. Tanaka

    March 5, 2016 at 20:35

    Great article! I’m Zimbabwean and my hubby Nigerian. My inlaws are fantastic and I think that attitude makes a huge difference. I know from experience that some are vehemently opposed to their sons bringing home a non Nigerian wife! I am not about that life so I bowed out! Parents need to focus on what’s important and stop giving their kids so much grief. I know in Nigeria marrying an albino is a big deal too. I just wish people would let love rule.

    Reply
    • Kachee || KacheeTee.com

      March 7, 2016 at 09:26

      I often think Inter-national marriages like yours, may be more readily accepted in Nigeria than inter-ethnic within Nigeria. Phew.. But ultimately I hope we let love rule!

      Reply
  6. Nma

    October 10, 2016 at 01:16

    Hi Kachi, I am Ibo, dating a man from Benue and I am scared. We have started talking forever, I have met all his siblings (he is the last child) and major problem is this – the Ibo woman who married the first child (son) was terrible and they just recently separated. So everybody’s looking at me like “another Ibo woman.” One of his older brothers actually said so to me, asking “hope you’re not like other Ibo women? You have to prove yourself to the family. You have to understand the sad condition were just coming out from.” Really. It’s hard enough that I’m going to be married to the last child in the family, I had to come from a tribe they’re skeptical about. It really scares me. I know I do not want to be apart from my beau. I love him to death but I do not want to spend the rest of my life proving I’m not like the other Ibo wife. I won’t even be able to express myself about things I feel a certain way about…

    Reply
  7. Assumpta

    March 15, 2018 at 13:02

    This is an interesting topic of discussion. One of the first things people usually ask me when they discover my husband isn’t Nigerian is “what do your parents thing?” as though it is a taboo that I brought an oyinbo person home. Thankfully my parents are more concerned with character as opposed to skin colour or ethnicity. Unfortunately for some of my friends, they have had to end relationships because their love was not from the same tribe!

    Reply

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