I tried to carry on with posting what I had originally intended.

But then, as usual, on my commute, I picked up the London Metro newspaper. And I saw the picture of the Eiffel Tower lit up in black, red and yellow. And I’m reminded of the Belgium attacks. The Eiffel Tower is striking, and I wish it was lit up in those colours for some other good reason.

The only time I’ve seen the tower in person, it sufficed to take a picture in front of it, as I was too broke to actually take a tour of it.

Typing this on my phone on the train to work, I’m wondering if I should post it. Will I be tagged as one of those who sympathise when it relates to the West?  Because at times like this, we see those who are fast to say ‘But there are killings everywhere in the world, why should this take precedence?’.

If you’re reading this, I guess I posted it. And if you’re one of those question-asking people, this is not about the West, this is about Fear.

I commute into work every morning. Into a rather busy station in London. And even though I’m ordinarily paranoid, at times like this my state of paranoia triples.

I’m that person that will get off the tube halfway if I think something suspicious is going on. I change seats randomly if someone acting ‘strange’ sits beside me. I’ve done this on the BRT public buses in Lagos. I’ve done this on the Tube in London.

I’ve had to use the emergency alarm on a train before. Because I couldn’t make it to the door on time when the train reached my station. Because I left my seat and walked to the end of the carriage when my seat-mate started acting ‘funny’.

Now I know I’ll start looking out for people wearing just one glove.

But how far can I look? How many times will I change seats?

And so while I take precaution, I’m forced to realise that there’s a limit.

And I can only rely on the One who sees all; whose power is greater than mine.

And though my faith be fickle at times, obviously not up to the size of a mustard seed, I choose to put my trust in Him.

• For He has not given us a spirit of fear – 2 Tim 1:7

• For He will keep his angels in charge of us – Psalm 91: 11 -12

How do you deal with such fears?

Love,

Kachee….Xx

pS: I know this raises a lot of questions. Do victims not have faith? Did He not keep His angels in charge of them? I have no answers. And I guess there are some things far beyond my understanding. After all, I never understood the chemistry lessons that everything is composed of Atoms and Molecules and Neutrons. Yet I believed it because it was contained in my ‘Ababio’ textbook.